Are We Really Listening to Children? Or Just Asking Them Questions?

At the recent Little People, Big Dreams Conference in Darwin, I attended a breakout session that has left me reflecting deeply on what it actually means to listen to children. The session was presented by representatives from NAPCAN and the Child and Family Centre on the Tiwi Islands, who shared their experiences implementing the Safer Communities for Children program.

At its heart, the program uses seven bush-animal stories to help children explore feelings, relationships, safety and belonging. But what interested me most wasn’t necessarily the resources themselves. It was the philosophy underpinning the approach.

Children have important things to tell us about their experiences of safety. But are we genuinely prepared to listen? And perhaps more importantly, are we prepared to change our practice based on what they tell us?

As early childhood educators, we talk a lot about children’s voices. We collect their ideas, record their conversations, document their interests and proudly describe our programs as child-led.

But I wonder how often we stop to consider whether we’re truly listening or simply asking questions to support the learning experiences we’ve already planned.

Listening Is More Than Hearing

One of the strongest messages from the presentation was that children’s perspectives should actively inform the decisions adults make.

During the session, presenter Maren explained that the program encourages children to identify the people, places and experiences that help them feel safe.

Children are asked questions such as:

These are relatively simple questions, but their implications are significant.

Imagine asking a group of preschoolers what helps them feel safe in their early learning environment.

One child might say they feel safe when their favourite educator is nearby. Another might identify a quiet space where they can retreat when things become overwhelming. Another might tell us they feel safe when they are with their friends.

But what happens next?

Do we simply document their responses, perhaps adding them to a floorbook or displaying them on the wall?

Or do we critically reflect on what those responses are telling us about the environments, routines and relationships we have created? If a child tells us they feel safest when a particular educator is present, what does that tell us about their relationships with other adults? If a child identifies a quiet corner as their safe place, should we be considering whether the rest of our environment is too overwhelming?

If a child tells us they don’t like a particular routine, do we investigate why?

Listening becomes meaningful when children’s perspectives have the power to influence what happens next.

 

 

Dadirri: The Importance of Deep Listening

Another aspect of the session that resonated with me was the introduction of Dadirri, a practice of deep listening and quiet awareness shared by Aboriginal Elder Miriam-Rose Ungunmerr Baumann from Nauiyu in the Northern Territory.

Miriam-Rose describes Dadirri as an inner, deep listening and quiet, still awareness. It is about being present, patient and receptive. It asks us to listen beyond words and to recognise the wisdom that comes through observation, relationships, Country and time.

Dadirri is a specific Aboriginal cultural teaching, not simply another mindfulness strategy for educators to adopt. However, the principles Miriam-Rose shares offer important opportunities for us to reflect on how we listen and relate to children.

During the conference session, we were encouraged to think about how busy early childhood environments can become. We’re constantly moving between routines, responding to needs, facilitating experiences, documenting learning and preparing for whatever comes next. And somewhere amongst all that busyness, we can lose the opportunity to simply be present.

I think about this often in my own life.

With my children, Shirley and Jesse, we try to spend as much time outdoors as possible. We participate in the 1,000 Hours Outside challenge and regularly visit a familiar sit spot at the back of our property, which adjoins a bush reserve.

Before heading out, we knock on our back gate and call out: “Yama Country, we’re here to visit with you today.” We tell Country what we’re hoping to do, whether that’s looking for wallabies, playing hide-and-seek or simply spending time together. Then we sit beneath our tree, wait and listen. Shirley has said to me before, “Country never replies.” And that has opened up some wonderful conversations about the different ways Country communicates.

Sometimes it’s through the wind moving through the trees. Sometimes it’s the sounds of birds, the movement of leaves or the feelings we experience when we enter a particular place. We’re learning that communication doesn’t always happen through spoken words. And I think there’s a significant lesson here for early childhood educators.

How often are we so busy waiting for children to answer our questions that we miss what they’re already communicating?

A child might communicate discomfort by withdrawing from a group. Another might seek connection by sitting close to an educator. Another might express uncertainty through movement, facial expressions or changes in behaviour. If we’re only listening for verbal responses, we risk missing so much.

Dadirri invites us to consider the importance of patience, stillness and respectful attention. Not every silence needs to be filled. Not every interaction needs to be directed. And not every child needs to communicate in the way we expect.

Sometimes our role is simply to create the conditions in which children feel comfortable enough to express themselves.

What Children on the Tiwi Islands Taught Us About Feeling Safe

One of the most meaningful examples shared during the session came from the Child and Family Centre on the Tiwi Islands. The team had begun introducing the Safer Communities for Children stories and activities with local children and families. When children were asked what helped them feel safe, they identified places such as their homes, school and the Child and Family Centre.

On the surface, these responses might appear to be about physical environments. But Maren encouraged us to look more deeply. She explained: “It’s actually about relationships. It’s around how the people in those places help them feel.” I thought this was such an important distinction.

We can create beautiful learning environments, invest in expensive resources and develop comprehensive safety policies, but none of those things automatically guarantees that a child feels emotionally safe.

Safety is relational.

It’s experienced through the way we welcome children, respond to their emotions, respect their identities and build trusting relationships with their families. For Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander children, cultural safety is also fundamental. Children need to know that their languages, families, identities and connections to Country are respected and valued.

And the Tiwi Islands example demonstrated this beautifully.

 

 

When Children Hear Their Own Language, They Light Up

The program was originally developed using English-language bush-animal stories. However, rather than simply delivering those stories unchanged, local community members worked together to make the approach meaningful for their children. The Wongatana Strong Women supported the translation of the stories into Tiwi.

As the stories were shared, each page was read in English and then interpreted into the children’s own language. Maren described the response: “When children were hearing it in their own language, they just lit up because it was really meaningful to them.”

I love this example because it demonstrates what culturally responsive practice can look like when community knowledge and leadership are genuinely centred. The children weren’t simply being invited to participate in someone else’s program. Their language, culture and community knowledge were helping shape how the program was experienced. It also reminds us that listening to children cannot be separated from listening to their families and communities.

If we want Aboriginal children to feel safe, we need to create environments where their identities are affirmed rather than treated as an additional consideration.

And that requires relationships.

It requires educators to recognise that they don’t hold all the knowledge and that meaningful cultural responsiveness involves working alongside families, Elders and community members.

The Eight Ways of Learning: Listening Through Different Processes

Another aspect of the presentation that particularly caught my attention was the explicit connection to the Eight Ways of Aboriginal Learning. Anyone who has attended one of my Eight Ways workshops will know how passionate I am about helping educators understand that Aboriginal pedagogies are not simply about introducing Aboriginal content. They’re about the processes through which learning happens.

The Safer Communities for Children program identified four of these processes.

Story Sharing

The seven bush-animal stories provide opportunities for children to explore complex concepts through narrative. Rather than asking children to disclose potentially distressing personal experiences, the stories use animal characters to explore feelings and safety. Children can discuss how a character might be feeling, what could help them and how others might respond.

This provides some emotional distance while still allowing meaningful conversations.

Non-Verbal Learning

The program recognises that children communicate and process information in many different ways. Feelings cards, movement games, drawing and facial expressions create opportunities for children to express their understanding without relying entirely on spoken language. During the session, we participated in a movement activity called Let’s Agree, where participants negotiated activities with one another and practised asking permission before physical contact.

It was a simple but effective reminder that important concepts such as consent, negotiation and respecting boundaries can be explored through everyday play.

Community Links

The Tiwi Islands implementation was shaped by local community members, families, Elders and educators. Importantly, the program also encourages children’s perspectives to be shared with the wider community. Children might create songs, videos or other messages explaining what adults can do to help them feel safe.

Their voices become part of a broader community conversation.

Land Links

The bush-animal stories connect learning with natural environments, places and belonging. On the Tiwi Islands, these experiences were delivered within a community-designed centre situated on Country. The setting itself supported connections between children, families, culture and place. What I appreciate about this example is that the Eight Ways weren’t treated as a checklist. They provided different pathways for children to engage, communicate and contribute.

And when we think about listening to children, that’s incredibly important.

Because if we only provide one way for children to express themselves, we’re not necessarily hearing every child’s voice.

Listening Without Placing Responsibility on Children

There was another statement from the presentation that I think every educator needs to hear. Maren reminded us: “It’s not up to children to be protecting themselves.”

This really stayed with me.

We spend considerable time teaching children about protective behaviours, identifying trusted adults, recognising emotions and developing the language to express discomfort. All of these things are important. But we must never lose sight of the fact that keeping children safe is ultimately an adult responsibility.

A child should not have to be confident, articulate or brave enough to explain that something is wrong before adults take action. We need to be proactive. We need to notice changes in behaviour, recognise signs of distress and establish relationships where children know they will be taken seriously.

We also need to ensure our organisational cultures, safeguarding procedures and everyday practices actively protect children. Listening to children is one part of that responsibility. It does not replace it. And when children do communicate a concern, our response matters enormously. We need to respond calmly, follow appropriate child protection procedures and ensure children receive the support they need.

The responsibility should never be placed back onto the child.

 

 

What Happens After We Listen?

One of the elements I appreciated most about the Safer Communities for Children approach was its emphasis on taking children’s perspectives beyond the immediate learning experience. The program includes a Children’s Voices activity designed to gather children’s ideas about what adults can do to create safer environments.

But rather than keeping those responses within the service, educators are encouraged to work with children to share their messages with the wider community. I think there’s a powerful connection here to our documentation practices. We often describe documentation as a way of making children’s learning visible.

But what if we also considered documentation as a way of making children’s perspectives influential?

Imagine creating a floorbook focused on the question, “What helps us feel safe and belong?” Children could contribute through drawings, photographs, conversations, movement, storytelling or other forms of expression. Families could share their perspectives. Educators could document the changes they make in response.

Perhaps the children identify a need for quieter spaces. Perhaps they want more opportunities to spend time outdoors. Perhaps they tell us that particular greetings, songs or familiar routines help them feel connected.

We could revisit their responses over time and ask whether the changes have made a difference. The documentation would no longer simply record what children said. It would tell the story of how their voices influenced our practice.

Of course, children’s contributions need to be gathered and shared ethically, with appropriate consent, privacy protections and safeguarding processes. Their participation should never depend on revealing personal experiences of harm.

From Hearing to Listening, and From Listening to Action

As I reflect on this conference session, I keep returning to the relationship between listening, safety and belonging. We know that children learn best when they feel secure, connected and valued. We know that relationships are foundational to early childhood education.

And we know that children’s voices matter.

But knowing these things and consistently putting them into practice are not always the same.

Perhaps we need to challenge ourselves to slow down. To become more comfortable with silence. To recognise communication that happens beyond words. To listen to families and communities with the same respect we say we offer children. And most importantly, to be prepared to change our practice when children show us what they need.

Dadirri reminds us of the importance of deep listening and patient attention.

The Tiwi Islands community demonstrated the power of language, culture and relationships in creating meaningful experiences for children. And the Safer Communities for Children program offered a practical example of how children’s perspectives can inform adult responsibility and community action. Together, these ideas have left me considering a question that I think is worth asking in every early childhood service: If we genuinely listened to children, what would we need to change?

Because perhaps the measure of whether we’re truly listening isn’t how many questions we ask, how many conversations we document or how often we describe our programs as child-led.

Perhaps it’s what we do differently because of what children have told us. And that’s something worth sitting with.

Questions for Educators to Reflect On

Learn More

Safer Communities for Children — NAPCAN

Explore the child safety resources, stories and professional learning opportunities developed through the program.

Website: https://www.napcan.org.au/

Dadirri — Miriam-Rose Ungunmerr Baumann

Learn more about Dadirri and the teachings of Miriam-Rose through the Miriam Rose Foundation.

Website: https://www.miriamrosefoundation.org.au/

Eight Ways of Aboriginal Learning

Explore the Aboriginal pedagogical framework and its application to teaching and learning.

Website: https://www.8ways.online/

This article reflects my personal learning from the Safer Communities for Children presentation at the 2026 Little People, Big Dreams Conference. My thanks to the presenters, community practitioners and Tiwi Islands community members who shared their experiences and knowledge.