Girls Can, Boys Can: What If Preventing Family Violence Starts in Early Childhood?

Reflections from the Little People Big Dreams Conference, Darwin 2026

There are some conference sessions that leave you with practical ideas to take back to your classroom. Others challenge your thinking, shift your perspective and stay with you long after the conference has finished.

For me, the Girls Can, Boys Can breakout session at Child Australia’s Little People Big Dreams Conference in Darwin was one of those moments.

Presented by representatives of Tangentyere Council Aboriginal Corporation, including Kitana Shaw, Kahlia Preece and Zeke Sitas, the session explored something that I think every early childhood educator needs to hear:

What if preventing domestic, family and sexual violence begins long before someone enters their first relationship? What if it begins in the early years, through the messages children receive about gender, power, respect and relationships?

As an early childhood educator, I found this both confronting and incredibly empowering.

We often talk about the importance of early intervention. But this program challenged us to think about primary prevention: changing the attitudes, beliefs and social conditions that allow violence to occur in the first place.

And it reminded me just how influential our everyday interactions with children can be.

Understanding the Bigger Picture

Before introducing the program, the presenters shared important context about the Aboriginal town camps surrounding Mparntwe (Alice Springs). Tangentyere Council emerged from the Aboriginal land rights movement and continues to advocate for town camp residents, including access to essential infrastructure, housing and services.

The presenters spoke about the ongoing challenges faced by communities, including overcrowded housing, limited access to affordable electricity and inadequate infrastructure. These are not simply historical issues. They are contemporary realities shaped by colonisation, systemic inequality and government policy.

The session also highlighted the devastatingly disproportionate rates of violence experienced by Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander women. One statistic particularly stood out to me: the presentation reported that Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander women are hospitalised because of violence at approximately 32 times the rate of non-Indigenous women.

These statistics are confronting. However, the presenters were careful to challenge the harmful stereotypes that too often accompany discussions about violence in Aboriginal communities.

One of the strongest messages from the session was:

“Violence against Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander women is not part of traditional Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander cultures.”

This distinction matters enormously. Violence against women is not an Aboriginal cultural practice. It is a broader societal issue, and understanding its disproportionate impact on Aboriginal women requires us to examine the intersection of gender inequality, colonisation, systemic racism and barriers to accessing support.

We cannot talk meaningfully about preventing violence without understanding this context.

 

 

A Program Created by Aboriginal Women, for Their Communities

What I found particularly inspiring was the story behind Girls Can, Boys Can. In 2014, Aboriginal women from town camps around Mparntwe established the Tangentyere Women’s Family Safety Group to advocate for the safety and wellbeing of women and children.

Rather than waiting for outside organisations to develop solutions, these women drew upon their own lived experiences, community knowledge and determination to create change. Their advocacy contributed to the development of initiatives including the Coolamon Program, Mum Can, Dad Can and eventually Girls Can, Boys Can.

The presenters explained that while earlier programs worked with parents and families, they recognised the importance of beginning conversations about gender equality much earlier. In partnership with Larapinta Child and Family Centre, they developed an Aboriginal-led, community-informed approach that could be embedded within early childhood settings.

I think there is something incredibly powerful about that. The people most affected by an issue are leading the development of solutions. Not simply being consulted. Not being invited to endorse a program that has already been developed. Actually leading the work.

For me, this connects with so many conversations we have at Koori Curriculum about genuine community partnerships, self-determination and moving beyond tokenistic engagement.

It’s Not Just About Girls Playing With Trucks

At first glance, the name Girls Can, Boys Can might suggest a program about encouraging children to participate in activities traditionally associated with another gender. And yes, that is part of it.

As the program video explains: “Girls can play with trucks if they want, and boys can play with dolls.”

But the presenters made it clear that their work goes much deeper. They described taking a gender-transformative approach. Rather than simply telling children that everyone can participate in different activities, educators are encouraged to critically examine the stereotypes and assumptions that shape children’s understanding of gender.

For example:

These messages might seem insignificant when considered individually. But children are constantly absorbing information about how the world works and where they fit within it. Over time, repeated messages can shape their understanding of relationships, power, identity and acceptable behaviour. This is why the program is about much more than toys or colours.

It is about ensuring children grow up knowing that everyone deserves respect, safety, dignity and opportunities to express who they are.

 

 

The Power of Everyday Language

One of my favourite examples from the session came from Kahlia's reflections on how the program was embedded at Larapinta Child and Family Centre. She described how educators incorporated Girls Can, Boys Can messages into ordinary interactions throughout the day. When boys were playing with dolls and pushing prams, educators would celebrate their nurturing behaviour.

They might comment on what wonderful fathers or uncles they could become. When girls were exploring construction materials and tools, educators encouraged them to imagine themselves as builders. I loved this example because it demonstrates how small changes in language can make such a significant difference.

We do not necessarily need an elaborate planned experience or an additional program to begin challenging gender stereotypes. We can start by becoming more conscious of the messages we communicate. Think about the dramatic play area in your service.

• Do we encourage boys to take on nurturing roles?
• Do we provide opportunities for all children to lead, construct, care, create and problem-solve?
• Do our books and resources show Aboriginal men as loving fathers, carers and positive role models?
• Do we celebrate girls for their strength, leadership and determination?
• And importantly, do we challenge stereotypes when we hear them?
• If a child says, “Boys can’t wear pink,” how might we respond?
• If someone comments that “girls aren’t good at building,” do we let it pass or use it as an opportunity for conversation?

These are small but meaningful moments where educators can influence children’s developing beliefs.

Why Representation Matters

Another aspect of the program that resonated with me was its commitment to positive representation of Aboriginal children, families and communities. The presenters spoke about the importance of Aboriginal children seeing themselves reflected in books, posters, learning resources and community messaging.

Not through deficit narratives. Not through stereotypes. But through positive, strength-based representations of Aboriginal families, relationships and community life.

This is particularly important when we consider how Aboriginal men, women and families are sometimes portrayed in mainstream media. Children deserve to see Aboriginal men represented as loving fathers, nurturing uncles, supportive partners and positive community leaders. They deserve to see Aboriginal women represented as strong, capable, respected leaders and decision-makers.

And they deserve to see healthy relationships modelled in ways that reflect the diversity and strength of their communities. The Girls Can, Boys Can team has developed resources that support this work, including books, posters, feelings cards and an educator toolkit. I was especially interested in their work with town camp communities using puppet theatres.

Community members are invited to decorate their own puppet theatres and develop stories that challenge harmful stereotypes. Adults then perform these stories for children. What a beautiful example of community-led storytelling being used to influence social change.

Rather than imposing messages from outside, communities are developing their own narratives, using their own voices and experiences.

 

 

Teaching Children the Language of Feelings

One resource that particularly caught my attention was the program’s feelings cards. These cards support children and adults to identify emotions, communicate their experiences and reflect on how others might be feeling. The presenters shared an example of a youth lawyer using these cards to support a young Aboriginal person navigating the justice system. The young person had difficulty expressing their feelings verbally.

Through the cards, they were able to communicate their own emotions and reflect on how their actions had affected another person. The lawyer subsequently used the cards to help demonstrate the young person’s reflection and remorse in court. This example highlighted how valuable culturally responsive communication resources can be, particularly when language barriers, trauma or stressful environments make verbal communication difficult.

For early childhood educators, it also reinforces the importance of emotional literacy.

When children learn to recognise and communicate their feelings, they develop tools that can support empathy, self-regulation and healthy relationships. But I think we need to go further than simply teaching children to identify emotions. We also need to help them understand that all emotions are valid, while not all behaviours are acceptable.

Boys are allowed to feel sad. Girls are allowed to feel angry. Everyone can feel frightened, disappointed, frustrated or vulnerable. What matters is how we respond to those feelings and how we treat others.

These are foundational lessons for respectful relationships.

Children Need to See Healthy Relationships

One of the discussion prompts during the session asked how children seeing positive friendships between men and women might contribute to preventing violence. I thought this was an interesting question.

Children learn about relationships through observation. They notice how adults speak to one another. They notice who makes decisions. They notice how disagreements are resolved. They notice whether people are treated with kindness, respect and fairness. And they notice when certain behaviours are excused or normalised. As educators, we are constantly modelling relationships, whether we realise it or not.

• How do we communicate with our colleagues?
• How do we respond when someone disagrees with us?
• How do we demonstrate respect for different perspectives?
• How do we share responsibility and decision-making?

Children are watching all of this. Respectful relationships are not simply something we teach. They are something children need to experience.

What Can Early Childhood Educators Do?

After attending this session, I found myself reflecting on how educators can begin incorporating these principles into their everyday practice. Here are some practical starting points.

1. Audit your everyday language

Listen carefully to the ways educators describe and praise children. Are we reinforcing gender stereotypes without realising it? Consider praising children for their kindness, persistence, creativity, problem-solving and courage rather than making assumptions based on gender.

2. Review your learning environment

Look at the books, dolls, dress-ups, construction materials and dramatic play resources available. Do they encourage all children to explore a wide range of roles and interests? Do they positively represent Aboriginal families and communities?

3. Encourage emotional expression

Create opportunities for children to recognise, name and communicate emotions. Use stories, puppets, visual resources and conversations to explore empathy, kindness and respectful behaviour.

4. Challenge stereotypes respectfully

When children repeat stereotypes, respond with curiosity rather than shame. Ask questions that encourage them to think critically. “Why do you think only boys can do that?” “Do you know any girls who enjoy building?” “Can dads look after babies too?”

5. Model healthy relationships

Demonstrate respectful communication, shared decision-making, consent, appropriate boundaries and constructive ways of resolving disagreements.

6. Engage families and communities

Recognise that families bring different experiences, beliefs and cultural perspectives. Approach conversations respectfully, while maintaining clear expectations around children’s rights, safety and inclusion.

Where possible, learn from Aboriginal-led programs and organisations already doing this work rather than attempting to recreate their resources or approaches without community involvement.

 

 

The Challenge of Sustainable Funding

One of the more frustrating parts of the presentation was hearing about the funding challenges faced by the Girls Can, Boys Can program. Despite the passion, expertise and commitment of the women involved, the program experienced an extended period without dedicated funding. The presenters explained that funding secured in 2025 had finally enabled a full-time coordinator to support training, resources and implementation.

However, future funding remained uncertain.

This really stayed with me. Here is an Aboriginal-led initiative developed in response to a critical community issue, supported by evaluations indicating positive changes in attitudes towards gender equality. Yet the team continues to face uncertainty about whether the work can be sustained.

If we are serious about preventing violence, surely we need to invest in the programs that are working to address its underlying drivers. And not just for a year or two. Meaningful prevention requires consistency, relationships, community trust and long-term commitment.

These things cannot be built through short-term funding cycles alone.

Early Childhood Education Is Part of the Solution

I left this session feeling incredibly inspired by the women behind Girls Can, Boys Can and the broader Tangentyere team. Their work is courageous, community-led and deeply grounded in the belief that change is possible. It also reinforced something I feel strongly about. Early childhood education is not simply preparation for school.

It is a place where children develop their earliest understandings of themselves, other people and the world around them. It is where they begin learning about fairness, belonging, respect, identity and relationships. And it is where we have an opportunity to challenge harmful stereotypes before they become deeply embedded.

Of course, early childhood educators cannot prevent domestic and family violence on their own. This work also requires broader systemic change, accountability for people who use violence and sustained investment in community-led solutions.

But we absolutely have a role to play. The Girls Can, Boys Can program reminds us that primary prevention can begin in everyday moments.

In the words we choose. In the stories we share. In the relationships we model. And in the possibilities we help children imagine for themselves. Because when children grow up knowing they deserve respect, and that others deserve that same respect, we are helping lay the foundations for healthier, safer relationships.

A huge thank you to Kitana, Kahlia, Zeke and the Tangentyere Women’s Family Safety Group for sharing their knowledge, experiences and important work at the Little People Big Dreams Conference. I hope more early childhood educators have the opportunity to learn from this program.

Explore the Girls Can, Boys Can Program

The Girls Can, Boys Can team shared that educator toolkits and supporting resources are available, with free access offered to communities and educators who may otherwise face financial barriers. Educators interested in learning more are encouraged to connect directly with Tangentyere Council Aboriginal Corporation and enquire about the program and available resources.

For further reading:

This article reflects on a breakout session attended by Jessica Staines at the 2026 Little People Big Dreams Conference in Darwin. The examples and perspectives shared by the presenters are acknowledged with gratitude.

If this topic raises concerns for you or someone you know, 1800RESPECT provides free, confidential support on 1800 737 732. Call 000 if someone is in immediate danger.