Death and grief are never easy to navigate in early childhood settings.
But when working alongside Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander children, families, and communities, it’s important to understand that loss is not only personal, it is deeply cultural, communal, and connected to Country.
Many educators feel unsure about what to do, what to say, or how to respond during Sorry Business. This uncertainty can sometimes lead to silence, avoidance, or unintentionally inappropriate actions.
So let’s yarn about it, because with the right understanding, educators can respond in ways that are respectful, culturally safe, and genuinely supportive.
What is Sorry Business?
“Sorry Business” refers to the cultural practices, ceremonies, and mourning processes that Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander communities engage in following the death of a loved one.
It is not just about a funeral.
Sorry Business can involve:
- Extended periods of mourning
- Travelling to be on Country or with community
- Participation in cultural ceremonies
- Changes to daily routines and responsibilities
- Collective grieving across extended family and community networks
For many families, this means children may be absent from your service for extended periods of time, and that absence is important and necessary.
Grief is Collective, Not Individual
In Western contexts, grief is often seen as something private or immediate family-focused.
In Aboriginal cultures, grief is shared across kinship systems.
When someone passes, the impact ripples across:
- Extended family
- Community
- Multiple generations
This means a child may be grieving someone who, in Western terms, might be described as a distant relative, but within kinship systems, they may have been a primary caregiver or deeply significant person.
Understanding this helps us respond with empathy, rather than assumptions.
Cultural Protocols You Need to Be Aware Of
One of the most important aspects of Sorry Business is respecting cultural protocols.
Avoiding Names and Images of the Deceased
In many Aboriginal communities, it is customary not to:
- Say the name of the person who has passed
- Display images or videos of them
This is done out of respect and as part of the grieving process.
What this means in practice:
- Be mindful of newsletters, social media, and documentation that may include images
- Check before displaying photos in learning stories, slideshows, or wall displays
- Avoid asking children or families to speak the person’s name
- Follow the family’s lead, protocols can vary between communities
A simple check-in like, “Is there anything we should be mindful of in the space during this time?” goes a long way.
Responding as an Educator
You don’t need to have all the answers, but you do need to respond with care, flexibility, and respect.
Practical Ways to Support Families:
- Be flexible with attendance: Understand that families may be away for extended periods or return intermittently
- Remove pressure: Avoid expectations around routines, participation, or “catching up”
- Offer support, not solutions: A simple “We’re here if you need anything” is enough
- Respect privacy: Families may not wish to share details, and that’s okay
Supporting Children Through Grief
Grief may show up differently in children:
- Withdrawal
- Big emotions
- Changes in behaviour
- Re-enacting experiences through play
Your role is not to “fix” their grief, but to hold space for it.
What this can look like:
- Creating calm, safe spaces for children to retreat to
- Allowing expression through drawing, storytelling, or play
- Being present and available without forcing conversations
- Using gentle, open-ended language
Avoid making assumptions about what the child understands or feels, follow their lead.
Language Matters
Be mindful of the words you use.
Instead of:
- “What happened?”
- “Who died?”
Try:
- “I’m here with you”
- “I can see you’re feeling sad”
- “Would you like to sit with me?”
And importantly, listen more than you speak.
When Sorry Business Affects the Wider Community
Sometimes Sorry Business impacts not just one family, but your broader community.
This might look like:
- Multiple families attending the same funeral
- Community-wide grief
- Staff members also being affected
In these moments:
- Consider how your service can acknowledge this respectfully
- Communicate with families in a sensitive, non-intrusive way
- Support your team, educators may also be grieving
What Not to Do
Even with the best intentions, there are some common missteps:
- ❌ Displaying photos of the deceased without permission
- ❌ Expecting families to explain cultural practices
- ❌ Rushing children back into routine
- ❌ Treating Sorry Business as a short-term event
- ❌ Avoiding the family altogether out of discomfort
Leading with Cultural Safety
You don’t need to be an expert in every cultural protocol. But you do need to:
- Be open to learning
- Ask respectfully
- Follow the lead of families and community
- Reflect on your own assumptions
Cultural safety is not about getting it perfect, it’s about being responsive, respectful, and relational.
Sorry Business is a time of deep cultural significance, connection, and mourning. As educators, how we respond in these moments matters.
It can either strengthen trust and relationships, or, reinforce feelings of misunderstanding and disconnection
When we take the time to understand, to listen, and to honour cultural protocols, we create spaces where children and families feel seen, supported, and safe.
And that’s what this work is really about.
